I don't question his patriotism, I question his judgement

By Howlin’ Leroy Eenk News Services

Apr 22, 6:01 PM (ET)

BOSTON April 24, 2006 - Those who disagree with the Bush administration's policies in Iraq face the same scornful charges that they are unpatriotic as Sen. John Kerry did 35 years ago when he spoke out against the Vietnam War, the Massachusetts Democrat said Saturday.

Kerry’s failed bid for the presidency in 2004 was partly due to the perception that he made decisions based on political calculus - like his vote to approve the war - rather than from a internal moral compass.

"I have come here today to reaffirm that it was right to dissent in 1971 from a war that was wrong. And to affirm that it is both a right and an obligation for Americans today to disagree with a president who is wrong, a policy that is wrong, and a war in Iraq that weakens the nation," Kerry said to a standing ovation Saturday at Boston's historic Faneuil Hall, according to the Associated Press.

During the campaign, Kerry said he did not regret his vote to allow Bush to invade, which may have been the best time to dissent.

Kerry's speech Saturday came 35 years to the day after he testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to call for an end to the Vietnam war.

"How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" Kerry said in 1971, a line that helped propel the decorated Navy combat veteran and Yale graduate onto the national stage.

In 2004 he became known for the slightly less bold: “I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.”

Reader questions

Q- What is the deal with the monkey?
-Earl S.
Queens, New York

A- The monkey’s name was Franz, and he was an early company mascot.

In 1913, a dyspeptic Frenchman named Émile Borel published a book "Mécanique Statistique et Irréversibilité." Rev. Eenk was a young newspaperman at the time, and had a passing interest in abstract mathematics, mostly to impress a girl.

In Borel’s book, he gets around to saying that due to the nature of infinity, a single monkey punching letters at random on a typewriter will “almost surely” eventually type every book in France's National Library.

Although Howlin’ Leroy Eenk prided itself on contributing to the housebreaking of countless curs, circulation was at a new low for the still fledgling publication.

After skimming most of Borel’s treatise, Rev. Eenk was struck with a theorem of his own.

If over the course of infinity a monkey could retype the contents of a national library, then over the course of an afternoon a monkey would be able to write a newspaper story. It would be a stunt for the ages, and it was bound to impress the girl.

He had high hopes for Franz. If the experiment went well, he planned to buy a hundred or so monkeys and solve his labor problems once and for all.

The publicity stunt opened to much fanfare on Dec. 9, 1913, with Howlin’ Leroy Eenk leading the coverage, and the girl was impressed, at least she appeared so.

But when Franz filed only two bylines, 30 inches of copy, ten minutes after deadline, riddled with misspelled words and improper style, the stunt went downhill. Later that night Rev. Eenk had Franz destroyed.

And that girl became Mrs. Clifford Halvorson of Enumclaw, a retired secretary at a now defunct timber company.

Rev. Eenk, of course, went on to wealth and fame.

The inverted pyramid

What a great country, where we have an online company that sells academic papers on journalism ethics for $9.95 a page.

The bibliography is FREE!

The Paper Store, Inc., a New Jersey business catering to college students, also offers such services as “custom research” and same-day delivery on all papers.

In fact there are at least dozens of similar businesses offering the same service. By typing in “buy term papers” into google.com, we got 86,600,000 hits.

At the bottom, the company makes the claim that their service is not intended for use in academic fraud. They even go so far as to discourage the use of their papers for unethical purposes.

Selling academic papers on journalism ethics, that's irony.

Claiming they aren't intending to profit off of cheats, that's obscenely disingenuous.

-The Editors

Moral outrage: ‘Not a problem anymore'

Find this story here

Apr 20, 11:27 PM (ET)

WASHINGTON (AP) - In a surprise outburst that cast a diplomatic shadow, a screaming protester confronted President Bush and Chinese President Hu Jintao and interrupted the welcoming ceremony on the White House lawn Thursday. Bush later apologized to the Chinese leader.

"President Bush, stop him from killing," the woman shouted, to the surprise of hundreds of guests spread across the lawn on a sunny, warm day. "President Bush, stop him from persecuting the Falun Gong" - a banned religious movement in China.

The woman, identified by the AP as Wenyi Wang, 47, had obtained press credentials through official channels.

Secret Service spokesman Jim Mackin said she had been charged with disorderly conduct and that a charge of intimidating or disrupting foreign officials also was being considered.

Stephen Gregory, a spokesman for the Falun Gong-affiliated newspaper The Epoch Times, said she had received a press credential through the newspaper and the paper believed she intended to attend as a reporter.

He identified her as a doctor with a specialty in pathology, a Falun Gong practitioner based in New York.

"It's hugely embarrassing," said Derek Mitchell, a former Asia adviser at the Pentagon and now an analyst at the Center for Strategic and International Studies.

China "must know that this Bush administration is good at controlling crowds for themselves, and the fact that they couldn't control this is going to play to their worst fears and suspicions about the United States, into mistrust about American intentions toward China."

______________
From the Editors:

If you’re counting the sheer number of people killed, tortured, jailed, and black listed because of their conscience, there is no greater offender of basic human dignity than China, a totalitarian-capitalist state whose human rights record used to be occasionally mentioned in the halls of our government.

That’s why it’s so comforting to see that when a human rights protestor upsets a staged political event, a cameraman and secret service agents cover her mouth, haul her away, book her into jail, and then our president apologizes.

That pesky moral outrage thing apparently is not a problem anymore, but irony is everywhere.

Is that right? If she is in the home of the free, and she upbraids the world’s greatest fascist (Hu, not Bush), and gets booked into jail, is that irony or coincidence?

We at Howlin’ Leroy Eenk do understand that the U.S. government owes the government of China a lot of money, as China, and Japan, and others, have been bankrolling the extravagant lifestyles of Americans. We don’t want to anger them either by excercising our freedoms.

Also, American tech companies have been like ducks in Chinese water, signing on with the Thought Police to persecute journalists who use the Internet to criticize fascists.

And those tech companies drive dump trucks full of cash to Washington DC every other year or so in a wonderful show of affection for the U.S. political system, which equates cash with speech.

It's win-win.

We also think this ambivalence toward the plight of Chinese dissidents demonstrates a certain moral sophistication on the part of Americans.

Iraq, for instance, took quite a bit of convincing before the American public signed on.

President Bush himself had to step to the microphone, in front of God and everybody, and explain his heavy heart over the oppressed Iraqis — plus, personally attack the wife of a critic. And it wasn’t until he outted Joseph Wilson’s CIA agent wife in an uncontrolled press conference that the American public wholeheartedly signed on for that stunning example of geopolitical genius.

In conclusion, we could care less about the lack of religious, political, artistic and cultural freedom in a country of over a billion, and the inhumanity and horror. We could also care less about our own diminishing civil rights in this country.

However, after careful consideration, we are aren’t sure what we do care about any more, besides the Arabs owning our ports.

Rumsfeld plays the part, but can’t live up to McNamara

By Dolores Hazen
Howlin’ Leroy Eenk Staff

WASHINGTON, DC April, 15 — The deafening calls for his resignation as U.S. Secretary of Defense don’t bother him.

But after spending a few intimate moments with Donald Rumsfeld, it’s obvious that he carries in his heart a sadness greater than all the dismembered babies in Iraq.

Like many former Secretaries of Defense — except for one glaring exception — Rumsfeld is a victim of alopecia, also known as male pattern baldness.

On Friday night, after Joyce went to bed and he put a few scotches away, he finds an old Chuck Norris show on late night cable. His favorite is Lone Wolf McQuade. Most chapters in the Missing in Action saga are good too. But tonight, he’s willing to settle for a Walker, Texas Ranger rerun.

“What a hairline,” he mutters. “He never even needed a part.”

He can’t hide it, his true passion: parts, the watershed divide that is chosen by a man, or given to him as a boy. It indicates not only how the man combs his hair, but reveals more about his temperament and intelligence than any other fashion statement, Rumsfeld believes.

With his hair, he lost his part. It was a strong part, a masculine part, one that said to the world: “I’ve been combing it this way since I was an Eagle Scout.”

He still has a lot of hair for a 73-year-old man, and some generous women may claim that he still has a part. But Rumsfeld isn’t one for soft answers, gray areas.

“I was proud of it, but never satisfied,” he says, his voice trailing off.

It will never return, and he is haunted by the fact that in this life, and in this stint as DefSec, he will never have the chance to exceed, or even meet, the greatest, most devastatingly perfect part in the history of the cabinet chair he now holds: Robert McNamara.

In fact, Rumsfeld knows that even in the heyday of his part, it paled in comparison to the white line that ran across the left side of the eighth secretary of defense’s skull.

“We used to wonder how he got the line so straight,’ Rumsfeld says. “And when you think about it, he cheats, because his part begins near the center of his forehead, rather than shooting off his temple.”

He laughs to himself and sips his whiskey. “Now I’m just making excuses.”

No matter how much death and destruction he causes with his arrogance and incompetence, he will never kill as many as McNamara.

He will also never have his part.

“I’m from the party of Lincoln,” he says with a harumpf during a commercial break featuring geriatric hygiene products. “And I resent everything the Democrats have ever done to this country and its military traditions. But, damn it, that was one brilliant part.”

It’s no consolation that McNamara has apologized for his actions while presiding over the Vietnam War, or that most of the hair has fallen from his octogenarian scalp.

“He may cry and bitch about the war,” Rumsfeld says, clinking the ice in his tumbler. “But you’ll notice he’s never uttered a mea culpa for his hairstyle. And even though he can count the hairs still on his head, he counts them starting with the remains of his part. That damn part.”

Even in the twilight of his life, McNamara’s part endures, and because of it, sometimes Rumsfeld can’t sleep at night. Like tonight.

“It will be some consolation when that whiny bastard finally croaks,” Rumsfeld says at the next commercial break. “But really, it won’t matter. He beat me. He killed more and his part put mine to shame.”

The first time Rumsfeld held the position of secretary of defense, he was the youngest in history, and his part served as a stern warning to the forces of communism.

The second time, he was oldest in history.

“I thought if I just had one more chance, I could show the world what a part really looks like, you know?” He is drunk, the show has ended, and his leaning over the arm of his chair.

He starts to finish his thought, but shakes his head and squints at the credits rolling down the screen.

McNamara estimated all Southeast Asian deaths at about 3.2 million, not including the 58,226 U.S. military personnel who were killed in action or classified as missing in action.

In Iraq, the number is probably around 100,000, and that’s including most everybody, kids, journalists, soldiers, et al.

“He had a chance,” Rumsfeld says, flipping to a soft-core pornographic film on Showtime.

“It wasn’t a bad part. It just wasn’t a McNamara part.”

Rumsfield's fan club

MAJ. GEN. Paul D. Eaton
Army, commanded training of Iraqi security forces until 2004.

"First, his failure to build coalitions with our allies, what he dismissively called 'old Europe' has imposed far greater demands and risks on our soldiers in Iraq than many. Second, he alienated his allies in our own military, ignoring the advice of seasoned officers and denying subordinates any chance for input." On why Mr. Rumsfeld should resign; wrote in a New York Times OpEd article published March 19, 2006.

GEN. Anthony C. Zinni
Marines, former head of United States Central Command.

"We are paying the price for the lack of credible planning, or the lack of a plan. … Ten years worth of planning were thrown away; troop levels dismissed out of hand. … These were not tactical mistakes. These were strategic mistakes, mistakes of policy made back here. Don't blame the troops," On mistakes made by the war planners; spoke on Meet the Press on April 2, 2006.

LT. GEN. Gregory Newbold
Marines, director of operations, Joint Chiefs of Staff, 2000 to 2002.

"My sincere view is that the commitment of our forces to this fight was done with a casualness and swagger that are the special province of those who have never had to execute these missions—or bury the results. The troops in the Middle East have performed their duty. Now we need people in Washington who can construct a unified strategy worthy of them." Wrote in a Time magazine article published April 9, 2006.

MAJ. GEN. John Batiste
Army, former commander, First Infantry Division in Iraq.

"I think he should step aside and let someone step in who can be more realistic. I think we need a fresh start. We need leadership up there that respects the military as they expect the military to respect them. And that leadership needs to understand teamwork." On why Mr. Rumsfeld should resign; quoted in The Washington Post on April 12, 2006.

MAJ. GEN. John Riggs
Army, former director, Objective Force Task Force.

"They only need the military advice when it satisfies their agenda. I think that's a mistake, and that's why I think he should resign," On Mr. Rumsfeld and other civilian war planners, National Public Radio, April 13, 2006.

MAJ. GEN. Charles H. Swannack Jr.
Army, former commander, 82nd Airborne Division in Iraq.

"I agree it was right to go ahead and try to establish a stable government in Iraq. We need to continue to fight the global war on terror and keep it off our shores. But I do not believe Secretary Rumsfeld is the right person to fight that war based on his absolute failures in managing war against Saddam in Iraq." Quoted in the New York Times, April 14, 2006.

Here is where you can find these quotes.

Oh, God. No.

Bush 'is planning nuclear strikes on Iran's secret sites'
By Philip Sherwell in Washington
The Telegrah (UK)
(Filed: 09/04/2006)

The Bush administration is planning to use nuclear weapons against Iran, to prevent it acquiring its own atomic warheads, claims an investigative writer with high-level Pentagon and intelligence contacts.

President George W Bush is said to be so alarmed by the threat of Iran's hard-line leader, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, that privately he refers to him as "the new Hitler", says Seymour Hersh, who broke the story of the Abu Ghraib Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal.

Hersh claims that one of the plans, presented to the White House by the Pentagon, entails the use of a bunker-buster tactical nuclear weapon, such as the B61-11, against underground nuclear sites. One alleged target is Iran's main centrifuge plant, at Natanz, 200 miles south of Teheran.

The military option is opposed by London and other European capitals. But there are growing fears in No 10 and the Foreign Office that the British-led push for a diplomatic solution to the Iranian nuclear stand-off, will be swept aside by hawks in Washington. Hersh says that within the Bush administration, there are concerns that even a pummelling by conventional strikes, may not sufficiently damage Iran's buried nuclear plants.

The attention given to the nuclear option has created serious misgivings among the joint chiefs of staff, and some officers have talked about resigning, Hersh has been told. The military chiefs sought to remove the nuclear option from the evolving war plans for Iran, without success, a former senior intelligence officer said.

The Pentagon consultant on the war on terror confirmed that some in the administration were looking seriously at this option, which he linked to a resurgence of interest in tactical nuclear weapons among defence department political appointees.

The election of Mr Ahmedinejad last year, has hardened attitudes within the Bush Administration. The Iranian president has said that Israel should be "wiped off the map". He has drafted in former fellow Revolutionary Guards commanders to run the nuclear programme, in further signs that he is preparing to back his threats with action.

Mr Bush and others in the White House view him as a potential Adolf Hitler, a former senior intelligence official told Hersh. "That's the name they're using. They say, 'Will Iran get a strategic weapon and threaten another world war?' "

A senior Pentagon consultant said that Mr Bush believes that he must do "what no Democrat or Republican, if elected in the future, would have the courage to do," and "that saving Iran is going to be his legacy".

Publicly, the US insists it remains committed to diplomacy to solve the crisis. But with Russia apparently intent on vetoing any threat of punitive action at the UN, the Bush administration is also planning for unilateral military action. Hersh repeated his claims that the US has intensified clandestine activities inside Iran, using special forces to identify targets and establish contact with anti-Teheran ethnic-minority groups.

The senior defence officials said that Mr Bush is "determined to deny Iran the opportunity to begin a pilot programme, planned for this spring, to enrich uranium".

... My God.

What if they declared a civil war and nobody came?

The belowmentioned wire story quotes an Iraqi general saying that there is an "undeclared” civil war killing people, blowing up mosques, and perpetrating other sinister acts. In my family, we would call this type of civil war a “late bloomer.” The kind of civil war that goes away to college and screws around for the first few semesters, taking art classes and music appreciation.

Let’s Review:

-Much of the political boundaries that separate the colonial world were drawn long ago with two objectives in mind: 1) Reduce transition costs 2) Ensure ethnic and religious groups are pitted against one another.

The kind of go hand in hand. Who says that humans are basically good?

-At present, parts of the post-colonial world are seen by the economic freightliners as banks of natural and labor resources.

-There are many suitable examples, however, we will use Iraq. Just because.

-Saddam Hussein rose to the top of the hierarchy of Iraq politics, aided greatly by bullets, and spent his time pacifying the opposition. He kept the colonial unit intact, and the U.S. and the Europeans and Russians worked well with the Iraqi thug, and transition costs were low.

-The U.S. invaded Iraq, toppling Hussein. Because the political boundaries of Iraq do not jibe with the ethnic and religious territories, factional violence broke out. As it should. That’s what is supposed to happen.

-To pacify the country, military leaders say they need more power.

-They will get their power, if they haven’t already assumed it. A coalition of regulars and irregulars will form and anybody who opposes it will disappear.

-Transition costs go down

Sheets get dirty, and they need to be changed occasionally.


Apr 9, 2:43 AM (ET)

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - A car bomb killed six people Saturday near a Shiite shrine south of Baghdad, and the death toll from the deadliest attack of the year rose to nearly 90. A senior official warned Iraq was in an "undeclared civil war" that can be curbed only by a strong government and greater powers for security services.

Despite the violence, U.S. officials have discounted talk of civil war. However, a senior Iraqi official said Saturday that an "undeclared civil war" had already been raging for more than a year.

"Is there a civil war? Yes, there is an undeclared civil war that has been there for a year or more," Maj. Gen. Hussein Kamal told The Associated Press. "All these bodies that are discovered in Baghdad, the slaughter of pilgrims heading to holy sites, the explosions, the destruction, the attacks against the mosques are all part of this."

Kamal said the country would still be spared from all-out sectarian war "if a strong government is formed, if the security forces are given wide powers and if they are able to defeat the terrorists."

"Then we might be able to overcome this crisis," he said.


It’s refreshing, at least, to hear that one of the butchers involved in this horrible waste of life, state the obvious, even if it’s qualified with “undeclared.”

As if it couldn’t get any more depressing

FROM THE EDITORS

The question we have after reading the belowmentioned wire story: what would it take for that stalwart third of this country to turn on Bush? Keep in mind, the poll was taken prior to Thursday’s revelation that Bush ordered the leak to discredit a critic of his justification for invading Iraq.

Apr 8, 2006 2:13 AM (ET)

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush has hit new lows in public opinion for his handling of Iraq and the war on terror and for his overall job performance. Polling also shows the Republican Party surrendering its advantage on national security.

The AP-Ipsos survey is loaded with grim election-year news for a party struggling to stay in power. Nearly 70 percent of Americans believe the nation is headed in the wrong direction - the largest percentage during the Bush presidency and up 13 points from a year ago.

_Just 36 percent of the public approves of his job performance, his lowest-ever rating in AP-Ipsos polling. By contrast, the president's job approval rating was 47 percent among likely voters just before Election Day 2004 and a whopping 64 percent among registered voters in October 2002.

_Only 40 percent of the public approves of Bush's performance on foreign policy and the war on terror, another low-water mark for his presidency. That's down 9 points from a year ago. Just before the 2002 election, 64 percent of registered voters backed Bush on terror and foreign policy.

_Just 35 percent of the public approves of Bush's handling of Iraq, his lowest in AP-Ipsos polling.

As bad as Bush's numbers may be, Congress' are worse.

Just 30 percent of the public approves of the GOP-led Congress' job performance, and Republicans seem to be shouldering the blame.

By a 49-33 margin, the public favors Democrats over Republicans when asked which party should control Congress.

That 16-point Democratic advantage is the largest the party has enjoyed in AP-Ipsos polling.

Accidents, we curse. Murder, we curse ourselves.

April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
-T.S. Elliot

Songs to ramble to

It’s that time of year. Time to start saving for the summer road trip. Where to? It doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that you come equipped. I’m not talking about pot, or a reliable vehicle. These things are marginally important. First, you need a soundtrack to go with your remake of Easy Rider. Something upbeat that will remind you that you are on a road trip.

Here is a list of rock, blues and country tunes sure to get your thumb itching and the liver begging for more. Trust me. They work.


1 “Let’s Take A Trip” – Jonathan Richmond – Good luck finding this gem of a ditty. All low-fi, complete with hand claps. If you can track it down, let me know.

2 “On the Road” – Canned Heat – Kind of obvious, I know, but not as bad as CCR. This buzzing, droning, wailing number won’t let you forget that the soul of a tramp is sensitive and above all, horny. It also reminds me of tearing ass down I-5 to San Francisco in an extended State of Washington van filled with 16-year-old graffiti writers from Bainbridge Island and an endless bag of weed. Youth is wasted on the young.

3 “I’ve Been Everywhere” – Johnny Cash – We’ve been through this before. This is the definitive list of places to visit.

4 “Here We Go Again” – The Hives — The Hives are the musical equivalent of methamphetamine. Overly powerful and dangerous.

5 “Walking Blues” – Robert Johnson – Had to have one Johnson song. In a way, he’s the godfather of the road song, if not the father, grandfather, or uncle. Cousin? This sparkling example of his genius is chock full of road cliches, like “riding the blinds” and references to Elgin watches, and so forth. It even begins with the classic blues line, “Woke up this morning.”

6 “Key To The Highway” – Big Bill Broonzey – A big, bad blues song for those contemplative moments when driving across the Great American Planes.

7 “Olympia, Wa.” – Rancid – This number will keep you company in the event you are stranded. For punk rock, it’s incredibly soulful. The chorus says it all: “Standing on the corner of Fifty-Second and Broadway/ cars passing by, but none of them seem to go my way/ New York City! Well I wish I was on the highway/ Back to Olympia.” I think I’m going to cry.

8 “Six Days On The Road” – Flying Burrito Brothers – The song itself is about a truck driver taking a bunch of speed and driving too fast to return home sooner because he’s horny. The Burrito Brothers bring a smoothness to it. For desired effect, play it over and over, until you start craving the “little white pills.”

9 “Badi –Da” – Mark Lanegan (w/ Mark Hoyt) – This song is about wanting to leave, get out of this creepy town. It’s a beautiful lament.

10 “Texas Eagle” - Steve Earle and the Del McCoury Band – Texas Eagle – A great modern bluegrass tune about hopping freights, complete with a complaint about the current state freight riding. “Nowadays they don’t make no trains/ Just piggy-back freighters and those Amtrak things.”


Alternates:

11 “The Road” - Tenacious D

12 “Milkshake and Honey” – Sleater-Kinney

Behemoth Holdings announces acquisition of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

April 2, 2006

Contact: Huestis O’Fay
Director of Communications
202-666-7817

Behemoth Holdings announces acquisition of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk

NEW YORK — Due to a lack of interest by the general public, and the food allergies of its now former parent company, the highly influential political/general interest blog Howlin’ Leroy Eenk was acquired Saturday by Behemoth Holdings International (BHT) in an agreement that both sides called fair for shareholders and the American people alike.

The blog, an elder dean in the world of Internet politics since 1908 when the site broke “Bullygate,” the findings of a Congressional investigation into Teddy Roosevelt’s infamous marijuana orgies in the Green Room, had been owned by Globex Investments (GBX) since the great-great-grandson of the blog’s founder sold controlling interest in the stalwart of Internet journalism in 1989 to pay off gambling debts.

But recently the site has fallen on hard times, and is routinely ignored by the nation’s top public pseudo-intellectuals. Despite a $2.1 million Globex investment in the blog in 1989, it has failed to generate interest among its target demographic of uneducated, low income, drug-addled American males. Some analysts attribute the failure to the fact that “blogs” and the World Wide Web were several years away from being invented at the time of the investment.

Behemoth and Globex were in negotiations over the weekend to discuss consolidating their two company’s weapons production arms. The blog was offered as a concession for Globex negotiators insisting on pizza for lunch. Globex negotiators had requested Chinese, but settled for pizza in exchange for Howlin’ Leroy Eenk, Globex’s Happy Homemaker Doll, Inc. (HHD) and all the assets of KillCo Pesticide Corporation (KPC), the world’s fifth largest producer of nerve agent.

“Our people went into the negotiations with the mission of looking out for the best interests of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk,” said Globex Vice-President for Intergovernmental Affairs Woody Gasperger. “And I have a serious allergy to MSG, so Chinese just wasn’t going to work.”

“We’re very excited about acquiring the miscellaneous assets of Globex, and especially proud to now call Howlin’ Leroy Eenk one of our own brands. We look forward to a continuance of service to both of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk’s readers,” said Behemoth CEO Randy Bottoms. “At the same time, we will be slowly dismantling the blog and selling off its assets after we first allow its editorial standards to slump even further.”

The blog is headquartered in New York, but has bureaus in Washington, D.C., Chicago, Seattle, London, and Johannesburg and a staff in the 100s, making it the largest of the world’s least popular blogs.

Also Monday, Behemoth named George Pantalones, a former public information officer for the U.S. Marine Corps in Operation Iraqi Freedom, to publisher of the Howlin’ Leroy Eenk.

“What better person to defend a national treasure like Howlin’ Leroy Eenk than somebody like George, who personally witnessed the liberation of dozens of Iraqis,” Bottoms said.

It’s like eating your arm when you get hungry.

A public defender once prophesized before a murder trial, “In the weeks leading up to this, things will get weird.”

Elections, like murder trials, are a permanent fixture of public America. And like murder trials, elections usually end up eating a little bit of the public’s humanity in the process.

In November, all 435 House seats and 33 Senate seats will be up for grabs. And when the battered Republican majority in the House last December approved a measure that would make it a felony to be in the U.S. illegally, impose new penalties on employers that hire illegals, and require churches to check the status of immigrants before helping them, et al, the campaign-for-votes season began in earnest (the campaign-for-cash season never ends).

Mid-term elections are usually a bore. Only people who turn out on stormy November days to cast their ballot for Position 3 on the Ruralhellhole County Mosquito Abatement District Board get too excited.

Of those who do get excited about politics, it’s the presidential election, the Super Bowl of Hegemonic Power, that gets hundreds of panties all bunched.

This November could be exciting. It could also be horrible. My guess is that it will be both.

The last mid-term that saw any real excitement was 1994, when the Republican landslide washed the GOP into their first House majority since 1952. The victory was a mixture of Democratic hubris attributable to winning the presidency after 12 hard years, and Republican outrage attributable to losing the presidency after 12 hard years.

The single victory Democrats claimed: keeping Oliver North out of the U.S. Senate. And I thank them for it.

Then again, in 1994 it wasn’t so much the campaign, but what happened after the Ascendance of Newt Gingrich that was so exciting and horrible.

In terms of pure weirdness, spectacle, and the near Satanic fondness for the world’s grim state of affairs, the 2006 mid-term election is shaping up to be something of a landmark.

There are the anti-immigration people, nationalists, with their wanna-be militias and Lou Dobbs.

Then there are the hundreds of thousands of Hispanics and liberals demonstrating all over the west against something bigger than the House’s obscene proposal.

The demonstrations drove the nationalists bonkers. Hey, ho, let's go.

(Next time, my Hispanic friends, try a general strike. Just for a day. See how Lou Dobbs likes having to pick between buying a set of diamond-encrusted bread ties and a head of lettuce.)

Still, there now exists the chance BOTH chambers may be for the Democrats to lose. But if any group of talented, well-meaning people could ever strike out in a game of slow pitch, it’s the Democrats.

Howlin’ Leroy Eenk’s Official 2006 Mid-Term Election Prediction That Merely States the Obvious: The D’s may take one chamber, but not both. There is also a good chance the GOP majority will be weakened, but not slain.

If the D’s do take Congress, expect them to engage in the same kind of overstepping that undid 1994’s Republican sacking of the Imperial City.

I’m not saying they shouldn’t rein in Bush, not at all. I’d like to see him impeached, not just for spying on Americans (they say it’s for “national defense,” however, they can’t prove it, we’re just supposed to believe that this “extra-legal” program has never been used to spy on the opposition, or journalists, or ex-wives), but also for condoning torture, coddling fascists and “freedom fighters,” neglecting his duty to prosecute the perpetrators of Sept. 11, looting the U.S. treasury to bribe the rich, and not last and not least, lying to the country and instigating an immoral war to be the centerpiece of his re-election campaign (Bush is not an ideologue. He cares about power.)

When it comes down to it, the Democrats, if they do take both chambers, have to overstep. They have to take it too far and impeach lame duck Bush

The wiser move, of course, would be to hem Bush in and begin undoing the damage he caused. Two years later, in 2008, if the going is good, the D’s could beat McCain or Frist, or whoever the GOP puts up to succeed Bush.

However, that would be like Bush not stacking the Supreme Court with anti-abortion jurists. That’s what got him elected.

The D’s would have to publicly humiliate Bush, render him a shell, if they didn’t want to draw the ire of their base, the people that would elect them. That’s what we would want to see, our catharsis.

Bush with his mouth shut.

Ah, politics. It’s like eating your arm when you get hungry.