Behemoth Holdings announces acquisition of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
April 2, 2006
Contact: Huestis O’Fay
Director of Communications
202-666-7817
Behemoth Holdings announces acquisition of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk
NEW YORK — Due to a lack of interest by the general public, and the food allergies of its now former parent company, the highly influential political/general interest blog Howlin’ Leroy Eenk was acquired Saturday by Behemoth Holdings International (BHT) in an agreement that both sides called fair for shareholders and the American people alike.
The blog, an elder dean in the world of Internet politics since 1908 when the site broke “Bullygate,” the findings of a Congressional investigation into Teddy Roosevelt’s infamous marijuana orgies in the Green Room, had been owned by Globex Investments (GBX) since the great-great-grandson of the blog’s founder sold controlling interest in the stalwart of Internet journalism in 1989 to pay off gambling debts.
But recently the site has fallen on hard times, and is routinely ignored by the nation’s top public pseudo-intellectuals. Despite a $2.1 million Globex investment in the blog in 1989, it has failed to generate interest among its target demographic of uneducated, low income, drug-addled American males. Some analysts attribute the failure to the fact that “blogs” and the World Wide Web were several years away from being invented at the time of the investment.
Behemoth and Globex were in negotiations over the weekend to discuss consolidating their two company’s weapons production arms. The blog was offered as a concession for Globex negotiators insisting on pizza for lunch. Globex negotiators had requested Chinese, but settled for pizza in exchange for Howlin’ Leroy Eenk, Globex’s Happy Homemaker Doll, Inc. (HHD) and all the assets of KillCo Pesticide Corporation (KPC), the world’s fifth largest producer of nerve agent.
“Our people went into the negotiations with the mission of looking out for the best interests of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk,” said Globex Vice-President for Intergovernmental Affairs Woody Gasperger. “And I have a serious allergy to MSG, so Chinese just wasn’t going to work.”
“We’re very excited about acquiring the miscellaneous assets of Globex, and especially proud to now call Howlin’ Leroy Eenk one of our own brands. We look forward to a continuance of service to both of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk’s readers,” said Behemoth CEO Randy Bottoms. “At the same time, we will be slowly dismantling the blog and selling off its assets after we first allow its editorial standards to slump even further.”
The blog is headquartered in New York, but has bureaus in Washington, D.C., Chicago, Seattle, London, and Johannesburg and a staff in the 100s, making it the largest of the world’s least popular blogs.
Also Monday, Behemoth named George Pantalones, a former public information officer for the U.S. Marine Corps in Operation Iraqi Freedom, to publisher of the Howlin’ Leroy Eenk.
“What better person to defend a national treasure like Howlin’ Leroy Eenk than somebody like George, who personally witnessed the liberation of dozens of Iraqis,” Bottoms said.
The blog, an elder dean in the world of Internet politics since 1908 when the site broke “Bullygate,” the findings of a Congressional investigation into Teddy Roosevelt’s infamous marijuana orgies in the Green Room, had been owned by Globex Investments (GBX) since the great-great-grandson of the blog’s founder sold controlling interest in the stalwart of Internet journalism in 1989 to pay off gambling debts.
But recently the site has fallen on hard times, and is routinely ignored by the nation’s top public pseudo-intellectuals. Despite a $2.1 million Globex investment in the blog in 1989, it has failed to generate interest among its target demographic of uneducated, low income, drug-addled American males. Some analysts attribute the failure to the fact that “blogs” and the World Wide Web were several years away from being invented at the time of the investment.
Behemoth and Globex were in negotiations over the weekend to discuss consolidating their two company’s weapons production arms. The blog was offered as a concession for Globex negotiators insisting on pizza for lunch. Globex negotiators had requested Chinese, but settled for pizza in exchange for Howlin’ Leroy Eenk, Globex’s Happy Homemaker Doll, Inc. (HHD) and all the assets of KillCo Pesticide Corporation (KPC), the world’s fifth largest producer of nerve agent.
“Our people went into the negotiations with the mission of looking out for the best interests of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk,” said Globex Vice-President for Intergovernmental Affairs Woody Gasperger. “And I have a serious allergy to MSG, so Chinese just wasn’t going to work.”
“We’re very excited about acquiring the miscellaneous assets of Globex, and especially proud to now call Howlin’ Leroy Eenk one of our own brands. We look forward to a continuance of service to both of Howlin’ Leroy Eenk’s readers,” said Behemoth CEO Randy Bottoms. “At the same time, we will be slowly dismantling the blog and selling off its assets after we first allow its editorial standards to slump even further.”
The blog is headquartered in New York, but has bureaus in Washington, D.C., Chicago, Seattle, London, and Johannesburg and a staff in the 100s, making it the largest of the world’s least popular blogs.
Also Monday, Behemoth named George Pantalones, a former public information officer for the U.S. Marine Corps in Operation Iraqi Freedom, to publisher of the Howlin’ Leroy Eenk.
“What better person to defend a national treasure like Howlin’ Leroy Eenk than somebody like George, who personally witnessed the liberation of dozens of Iraqis,” Bottoms said.
posted by Rev. Leroy Eenk @ Monday, April 03, 2006
1 comments
1 Comments:
that's hilarious..."both" readers...who's the other? lol.
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