“War is like love; it always finds a way.” –Bertolt Brecht

Here’s a fun game to play with your family during commercial breaks. It’s called connect the dots.

What can be concluded from the following wire reports?


Mar 10, 9:21 PM (ET)
WASHINGTON (AP) - An AP-Ipsos Poll found an overwhelming majority of Americans - including 70 percent of Republicans and 90 percent of Democrats - saying it's likely that a civil war will break out in Iraq.

Mar 11, 2:51 PM (ET)
WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush said Saturday he is confident a unified Iraqi government will settle sectarian feuds that Iraqi leaders fear could lead to civil war.

Mar 12, 4:21 AM (ET)
BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - Bomb blasts, rocket and gunfire killed at least 10 people and injured 23 in the Iraqi capital Sunday, police said.

If you said: Iraq has been at civil war for some time, isn’t it obvious?

WRONG – President Bush has within his powers the ability to stop a civil war if and when it should arise. All he has to do is instruct the national broadcast media that he has narrowly redefined “civil war” to exclusively mean a conflict in which one belligerent wears blue, and the other gray. Through this cost effect method, the tragedy and human suffering of a civil war in Iraq can be avoided altogether. The president prefers peaceful means, because he is a peaceful man.

If you said: The American people may have a less foggy view of reality than their president, but they still don’t get it.

WRONG – I don’t think you want me to remind everybody here that we are at war. We were all there on nine eleven, we all remember watching the two towers fall over and over again on Fox.

If you said: OK, I could also conclude the slightly more Republicans than Democrats have their heads up their asses.

WRONG - Typical liberal over here.

If you said: No, I’m serious, it’s fucking obvious, there is a civil war going on in Iraq. The insurgents kill Americans when they can, but people are mostly killing each other.

WRONG – How do you know that? Have you been over there? I haven't, but I know people who have, and they say that there is a lot of good things happening over there. A lot of good people working hard. You know you can’t trust the “mainstream” media, they have an agenda. The truth is that the future of Iraq is looking brighter and brighter every day.

If you said: That’s the road side explosives.

WRONG – It’s the light of freedom, casting a luminous glow across the face of a small Iraqi girl, picking flowers in a meadow.

If you said: So what is it going to take for Americans to realize that there is a civil war going on in Iraq?

WRONG: Listen, this isn't going anywhere, and it won't, because you're speaking what we like to call "pre-9/11 English." Haven't you heard, all the "old Europe" words like "victory, "success," and "accountability" have been redefined? You should crawl out from under that punk rock occasionally, get with the program. Plus we've redefined lots more words, thousands, even common words like "the." The problem is, we lost the piece of paper that has the new definitions for the words, so right now the language is in what you might call "flux," I think, unless that one has been changed too. There's a natural inexactness of language, its truth-telling abilities pale in comparison to numbers, but right now, most of the good words aren't worth the breath, which makes conversation beyond the most immediate desires impossible. You're trying to talk about something that from what I gather is important to you, I wish I knew what it was.

If you said: So there's nothing incongruent about the president and the people thinking that they are somehow staving off a civil war?

CORRECT – That's right. Iraqis would look pretty silly dressed up in blue and gray uniforms, wouldn't they? Now please leave.