Meet Staff Writer Delores Hazen!

Delores Anastasia Hazen
Nick name: Lolita
Age: 22
Hometown: New York City
Education: Choate, Harvard

Ms. Hazen covers the personalities, policies and hard to reach places of Congress, federal courts and the White House to finance her addiction to pain pills.

She started as an intern in January 2006, the same month she threatened Rev. Eenk with a sexual harassment lawsuit and also became the youngest staff writer in Howlin’ Leroy Eenk history. Also that month, the multi-generational tradition of “Friday Fondle-Day” came to an end.

In her own words: “Am I going to have to finish myself off?”

Trivia :

-Ms. Hazen gave U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. a cold sore. He caught clyamydia from somebody else.

-Ms. Hazen’s grandfather, the renowned physicist Bernard Abernathy Winchester, invented what are known today as fuzzy dice.

-Ms. Hazen gains the trust of her reclusive Capitol Hill sources through hand-jobs.

Stay tuned for more Howlin’ Leroy Eenk staff profiles!