We are vain and we are blind - I hate people when they're not polite

By Lance Carbunckle
Howlin’ Leroy Eenk Staff Writer

Last election, the hot-button issue that got the true reactionaries to the polls, the relatively asinine kerfuffle that drove conservatives bonkers, was gay marriage.

For the upcoming election, it will be immigration.

It all started last December, when the House Republicans quaffed a goblet of human blood and approved a bizarre, cynical measure that purportedly punished undocumented immigrants and those who would help them and exploit them.

The recent demonstrations were ostensibly in reaction to the measure.

Let’s take a superficial, uninformed look at the measure. I don’t read bills, but if I did, I would conclude that this particular piece of draconia would have a tough time finding a majority in the U.S. Senate, which is populated by a more thoughtful genus of half-ape/half-human, partly because they are more tied to corporate bananas then their lesser counterparts.

Why would the Amway elite of the House buy their Republican majority buddies in the Senate a dog that won’t hunt?

A reasonable person might say the House was determined to kick start the conversation over the issue of what the government should do about strengthening border security.

That reasonable person might get mooshed back into their seat by a couple of burly Hispanic dudes with tattoos on their neck while they simultaneously sang a poorly translated Spanish version of The Star Spangled Banner and ogled his daughter.

Another explanation might be that the GOP is serious about keeping their majority. It’s the perfect marriage in hell between government and politics. All those Republicans in the air-conditioned south can go back to their districts and say that they gave it their best shot, they tried to clense the countryside of the swarthy underclass.

A consequence of their unfunny modest proposal was massive street demonstrations across the country, which allowed non-U.S. flags to be featured squarely on the evening news.

Prior to the May Day demonstrations, Zogby poll results say that 61 percent of respondents said they were less sympathetic to the plight of illegal immigrants as a result of the first protests, news sources reported.

Compare that to 32 percent who said they were more sympathetic.

Did GOP strategists anticipate the backlash against the bill, and the outrage that would boil in America's racist heart at the spectacle of 100,000 Hispanics marching in Los Angeles?

Was that the plan all along?

Forward an outrageously inhumane bill (not to mention the poison pill of penalizing employers), damning the consequences if the thing ever gets signed, just to get a rise out of Hispanics?

Such an uprising by Hispanics would divert Americans' attention away from the war, corruption and the environment (like we needed help), and help white men in the south (the typical American voter) forget about their promise to abstain from moving the computer cursor over the GOP Web button in November (like we needed help with that either).

It would be crazy to assert the abovementioned hypothesis is true.

But more cynical things have happened.