The hostess is grinning

By Dolores Hazen
Howlin’ Leroy Eenk Staff

NEW YORK - Jane Fonda wanted to feel inside her fake-news talk show host Stephen Colbert’s manhood during an episode of The Colbert Report aired on my television Tuesday night.

The episode centered on women, or “ladies,” and Fonda appeared with Gloria Steinem, who played along with a cooking show format and articulately made her case and didn’t kiss Colbert twice in lip-on-lip exchanges that verged on the flickering of tongues and swapping of spittle. Odd, my room mate noted, for an episode and guests that ostensibly featured conversations and satire about feminism.

During the segment Colbert wore a chef’s apron that said “Kiss The Cook,” and appeared shocked by Fonda’s craning, come-hither looks, where she tossed back her head, stretched her slender, delicate neck, and kissed him like a woman kisses a man she would blow.

In a show that has as many awkward moments as funny ones, my roommate said that was the most awkward he’d ever seen.

“What the fuck was that,” he said after it was over. He wanted to wait before commenting, to see if Fonda would break character and reveal the gender activist-who-looks-like-a-middle-managment-closet
-drunk-as-menopausal-sex-kitten to be another post-modern crack up.

“She might be hotter if she didn’t look like a country club cougar from Schaumberg,” my room mate said, slightly stoned. “I’d do her, though.”