Sex, drugs and elder statesmanship

GOP hopes apology helps Hastert
Republicans hope to end Foley furor before election

By THE NEW YORK TIMES and Howlin' Leroy Eenk staff

WASHINGTON, Oct. 7 -- House Republicans held their breath on Friday and hoped that Speaker Dennis Hastert's expression of remorse about the page scandal combined with the start of a House ethics investigation would stabilize Hastert's grip on power.

James Baker, a leading Republican and former secretary of state with strong ties to the Bush family, also expressed support for Hastert on Friday, saying his resignation would do little to stem the uproar.

"If you think that's going to stop the story, you've been smoking dope, because the minute they get Denny, they'll go after the next person who might have known something about this," Baker said on Fox News. "I think the speaker's done the right thing by calling for an investigation."

When contacted by Howlin' Leroy Eenk staff for comment, Baker spokesman Ferenc Applescrum said the secretary used the reference to illegal narcotics as a "quaint phrase."

"Baker is too busy, conducting his normal everyday affairs, plus advising President Bush on Iraq, to smoke marijuana, to associate with those that do, or to entertain these kinds of questions."

Applescrum said Baker is widely known as "an upper man," preferring recreation such as cocaine, crack, and methamphetamine. At the end of a five-day sleepless binge, he indulges in a prescription cocktail of Valium and horse tranquilizers while watching SportsCenter.

"They have a saying around the think tank circuit, "Keep that Viagra away from the Bake-man!" Applescrum said.