Kramergate

Editor's Note: Due to a combination of technical difficulties and a scarcity of hard drugs in the Beltway following the Democratic victroy in Congress, this story written by Howlin' Leroy Eenk critic Bonita Applebum was not filed in a timely manner. Once the mistake was noticed, instead of writing an update, Ms. Applebum did not return our calls to her mobile phone, so we tweaked the time element and ran it to fill the space between Christmas ads. Fuck it.

By Bonita Applebum
Howlin' Leroy Eenk Media Critic

WASHINGTON - The two unbelievably awkward and offensive moments that make up Kramergate - the rant and the apology - are just the tip of the screaming, racist iceberg.

First, of course, is Michael Richard's uncomedic and on-the-record KKK-informed temper tantrum at a Los Angeles comedy club Nov. 17, a spectacle of caucasoidal rage unseen since the LAPD contacted and cleared Rodney King in March 1991.

And like King's wooden shampooing, Kramergate was made possible by the availability of personal technology. Celebrities and government officials, beware: we hate you and he all have cameras.

Even more than fuck, nigger is the most forbidden word in America. And coupled with a clutch of words arranged in a brutal image, and coming out of a white man's mouth, and shown repeatedly on television, you got yourself the makings of a seriously pissed off black population, mister. Plus an embarrassed white population who presume that by not overtly reminding blacks that it's a racist country they are doing somebody, somewhere, a favor.

Second is the equally disturbing Jimmy Swaggart-esque "apology" led by Jerry Seinfeld on the Nov. 20 David Letterman show, where two stakeholders in a popular culture franchise that makes most of its money in the holiday shopping season, attempted to salvage the scraps of the career of one and the bank accounts of both.

Before he was introduced, Letterman plugged the latest DVD collection of episodes, which was tasteless, but that's just the beginning.

Richards said he tried to talk to everyone that was present, including those who bore the brunt of his tirade, to apologize. The audience giggled a little, and I don't blame them. We're used to laughing when we see him, and his big head on my television, via satelite, looked funny and unreal: there he is, Kramer, verging on tears, futilely shaking his lifeless career awake.

"Don't laugh, it's not funny," said Seinfeld, with not a little curt in his voice. (Seinfeld also declined to comment on the elections, which was a bitch-ass move, if ever there was one.)

It would have helped if Kramer didn't refer to blacks as Afro-Americans. Maybe it's an accurate term, depends on who you ask, but please, when you're playing "contrite" on national television following your Offensive Tirade of the Year entry, it's African-American, or black people.

Because, after all, it's white people that buy the DVDs and watch the syndicated reruns, and whites aren't comfortable with Afro-American.

Cynical? Ask yourself this: If his venom hadn't been repeatedly broadcast across the globe, would have felt so remorseful? What if he got away with it? What if it's not the first time? What if the hecklers had been Asian, Hispanic, Jewish, Middle Eastern, obviously homosexual, obese, or white men, like him? Would Richards have behaved differently, and if he didn't, would he have to go onto national television to explain himself?

And above all, how much do Seinfeld and Richards stand to lose, dollar wise?

He's not sorry, he's sorry he got caught.

Many questions were left unanswered during that historic segment on an otherwise bland celebrity platform. Letterman isn't a journalist, and he sure as hell didn't act like one.

It isn't shocking that a white person would think, or say, such things. It's a racist country, and to some degree, we're all racist (that includes me and you). It is shocking, however, that Kramer would say it. That's the last thing I expected to happen. Especially after learning later that he is an Evergreen State College alumni.

Richards denied being a racist, saying that it was rage. Just ... Only ... Mere rage. Is he a racist, or was he just enraged and knew what buttons to push? Does it matter? There isn't a good excuse for this kind of behavior, just like rage isn't an excuse for assault, rape, or murder.

However, those are crimes. This hurt feelings, enraged people, embarrassed people, possibly set back race relations closer to a time, as Richards said, when black people were lynched.

They were just words, no one got injured or killed or raped. Not counting all the black people who have been injured, killed or raped as a result of slavery and continued oppression encapsulated in the n-word.

Perhaps the most important question we Americans have to ask ourselves is if we, as white people, can ever enjoy watching white America's favorite situation comedy without seeing Kramer* and automatically thinking about a black person hanging from a tree with a fork up their ass?


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*It's probably worth mentioning that cruel and stupid people have produced many fine works of art, including Louis Ferdinand Celine, the author of "Journey to the End of the Night," who was a Nazi collaborator during the occupation of France.